Friday, November 21, 2008

Emotional Turmoil

I'm a writer. And when I'm upset, I write to work through things. I journal, sometimes I'll write angst-ridden poetry, or other times I'll blog about it. Today is one of those days for blogging.

Over the past 24 hours, I have learned that there are incredibly manipulative and conniving people in the world whose sole purpose is to destroy your peace of mind, to cast doubt, to make you second-guess your gut instinct. In short, they want to make you miserable and they enjoy doing it.

I am one of those people who thinks the best of everyone. I don't want to believe that people like this exist. But they do. And without going into detail, I had to deal with one of those people yesterday (no, it was not my hubby). The ramifications of it blew me away. I cried, I yelled (and scared my kitties in the process!), and I just kept asking, why me? Why me?

I spent a lot of time on the phone sobbing to different people, I cradled a box of tissues next to me and used plenty, and I thought a few times that the nausea in my stomach might overtake me.

I got through it, with God's help and the support of my family and friends. But I think it knocked a bit more cynicism into me. I don't like to believe that there are people out there who deliberately seek to hurt you. I don't want to think that I am their target because through me, they seek to get what they want in some twisted, sick, evil fashion. It just completely shocks me. It floors me. It makes me suspicious. It makes me wary. And I don't want to be wary of people.

Times like these always remind me of the classic novel, The Lord of the Flies, where the major question is, "Is man inherently good or inherently evil?" I've always thought that man is inherently good, but is capable of evil. And that is how I see the human race. I do think that there are lots of shades of gray in this question, though, and that we are all capable of good and bad. But that's quite the philosophical discussion that I do not have the energy to get into.

Suffice to say, today I feel a bit more distrustful and a lot more cynical about human beings than I did when I woke up yesterday morning. It's knocked a bit more naivety out of me. Maybe that's a good thing. I'm not sure.

22 comments:

  1. Here's hoping your faith in humankind is renewed soon and that you have a better day today.

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  2. Maybe it's the time of the year, but I just ran into the same sort of thing yesterday. Reminded me of something I said not too long ago...

    "Do what you love or someone will make you do what you hate."

    I don't believe this is intentional either; it's just the way of the world.

    Hang in there.

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  3. Sorry. You shouldn't have to deal with those types of people. It's sickening to think that people would purposefully do mean things. But I am a believer that people are inherently bad, but some (hopefully most) choose to be good and can be made good.

    Praying that your day gets better!

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  4. I'm gonna say that being less naive i a good thing because yes there are some really foul people in this world and they will hurt you if you let them. The important thing is to protect yourself from their attacks and I know you can do it. Don't let them bring you down anymore.

    Just remember, for every evil intented person out there, there are many more good and honest ones. Your faith will return, but being a little wary is not a bad thing.

    Take care.

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  5. Melissa, I'm so sorry for your ordeal. It sounds like yesterday was nothing but rotten for you. *hugs* I hope the space of a few days will instill peace in you. Best to you over the weekend.


    PS. I've finally signed up to follow your blog, but Blogger said there's "no feed." ? Just wanted to let you know...

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  6. Travis - Thanks. :-)

    Jamie - Don't you hate it when you run into people like that? In my case, it was more of a behind-the-scenes sabotage, but it sure did feel like a full-frontal assault.

    Heather - Thanks for the prayers! Greatly appreciated.

    Ell - I agree - protecting yourself from the attack is the first course of action. But this was a sabotage job and completely behind-my-back, and that made it doubly worse, I think. Oh well.

    Janna - Thanks for your good thoughts. And I see that you are now listed as a "follower" so I wonder if there was some weird glitch?

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  7. Sorry to hear of your upsetting experience. I can relate to what you've said, and it's horrible when it happens to you.

    I do hope you're feeling a little better today.x

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  8. The key is to stay who you are and don't let it change you. I know it's hard not to do that but approach each day as a gift from God.

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  9. So sorry for the bad day. Most people are deep-down good, maybe just misguided or so devoid of a decent self-esteem that they have to manipulate others to feel like they're in control of something in their world. With the not-so-good ones, your "gut" will develop to the point where you can spot and avoid them. Then there will be fewer (if any) times where you are sucked into their voids and/or give any time or energy to their nefarious doings.

    Been there, done that, got the mug and t-shirt, now I just cut bait and move on. If you've done what you should and can put your head on your pillow at night and sleep well, leave them to their own devices. (And remember to look at their "fruits." Always a good indicator.) Huggage!

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  10. (((Melissa))) I am so sorry. You don't need that crap.

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  11. Yep, it must've been temporary, because you're showing up in my queue now. Yay!

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  12. Toni - Thanks for the hugs. It's a better day today.

    Janna - Glad it worked!

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  13. Debs - Yep, feeling better today. A good night's sleep works wonders.

    Brian - Great advice. Thank you.

    Angie - The funny thing about it is that I never actually saw this person - what they did was done behind the scenes, but the impact on me was so great that I could hardly believe it. That it was deliberate on their part is a given, but it was definitely a sneak attack, premeditated. Sigh...

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  14. I'm sorry this had to happen to you--I've been in your shoes a few times and when it happens it can really hurt because it shocks me too each time. When it happens, I have to remember people are human and make mistakes and hurt others for so many reasons and that's when I am glad I have the friends and family I can reach out to like you did.
    Again, sadly, this won't be the last time someone does this but don't let their anger and ways sour you to those good people around you!:))

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  15. Terri - Y'know, I am so very thankful for the friends and family that I have. They completely rallied around me. Made me definitely count my blessings!

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  16. I know what it feels like to be all wary and sick at your stomach over what someone did. This year someone very manipulative and power hungry did something to our family that made me sick for days. I couldn't believe it (this guy is in our line of work with our same organization!!! Never expected it!)

    The sad truth is that some people are just downright ugly. And they feel good when they can twist somebody a little bit.

    But just so you know, not everyone is like that!! :) Some of us are real and don't want to inflict hurt on others. Try to surround yourself with people you trust during this time to avoid becoming bitter and overly cynical. Just remember that there are a lot of Christ like people too. Hugs, my friend!

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  17. Oh Melissa - I can't imagine ANYONE wanting to be mean to you. I'm so, so sorry. Big, big hugs.

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  18. There are a lot of people out there, sadly, who get their kicks messing with other people's lives. Some do it for the fun of it, and they're easy enough to write off, since they are easily bored and move on.

    There are others, though, who seem to be trying to work out their own issues and their unfortunate targets get caught in the crossfire. One such person almost ruined my own family, and it was a really, really terrible time. I can relate to that sort of sickening feeling, the stress of it all. *hugs*

    The good news is that it doesn't last forever, and most importantly, there are fewer of those people in the world than there are people who are basically good, kind, and decent.

    I'm sorry you went through that.

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  19. Heidi - Isn't it unbelievable what some people are capable of? And it's those that you never thought would hurt you that end up hurting the most. But you're right -there are a lot of good people out there and I've been trying to focus on that. :-)

    Tess - Thanks for the hugs, Tess. It was definitely a big blow.

    Jen - I believe the person who did this to me has a lot of serious problems in their life, so much so that constant drama has to be a part of their existence. It's absolutely frightening. But I hope that they are now out of my life for good.

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  20. "out of my life for good"...that's a sweet, sweet phrase. I certainly hope so, too. I've been where you are and I remember the shock and disbelief that someone could be so deliberately hurtful, for the sake of being hurtful. It made me firmly believe that sometime, somewhere, what goes around will come around.
    (((hugs!)))

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  21. People are likely to attack what they fear, either what they want or what they don't like about themselves.

    You made an incredibly brave decision recently. There are people around you who wish they had the guts to do the same thing, but they don't, so to make themselves feel better, they attack you.

    You are also a writer, which is another incredibly brave vocation. Again, people who don't have the guts to go out and live their dream will try to take it out on you for THEIR Failings.

    I want to believe people are inherently good, but I don't. At this point, I try to be cautiously optimistic with people in my life, but I've learned to cut my losses.

    I call it "excommunicating them from my universe."

    We all have to decide where our boundaries are, and then we have to keep them.

    Feel better soon.

    And ex-communicate such a person out of your life for good.

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  22. Christine - That is it in a nutshell - shock and disbelief. I'm still shaking my head over the whole thing. But this post, and all the wonderful comments, have shown me that there are some incredibly GOOD people out there. :-)

    Devon - You've explained it exactly. I think the person behind this saw an opportune moment to strike, thinking they would be successful. They were wrong. :-)

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