The Day Has Come

I wish I could say that the title of this post refers to an offer of representation from an agent, or that I've finally won the lottery or lost the weight I've always wanted to, but alas, it is none of these things.

No, the day of reckoning has come for my uterus.

Yes, you read that correctly. She has been a constant source of misery for me for the past eleven years. I don't even want to know the amount of time, energy, and money I have spent on trying to make her work properly. She is a nasty piece of work and refuses to cooperate.

So, the doctor has ordered her removed.

The pathology report came back after my surgery last week and the results were not good. I have complex endometrial hyperplasia with atypia. A mouthful, to be sure, but what is boils down to is this: it's not cancer yet, but it has a very good chance of turning into it. As far as I know, it is only confined to my uterus, so the best method of prevention is to get it out.

When I got the news yesterday, I was halfway expecting it. What I wasn't expecting was to have to have the surgery so soon. It's scheduled for April 3. And since it is a major surgery - indeed, a hysterectomy - I will be out for four weeks from work. I have no paid vacation or any paid leave at all as I used it all up for the year already, most of them attributed to the devious uterus and the havoc she wreaks upon my body. Since hubby is going to school full-time, we are living on my income, and what small savings we have accumulated will be used to pay for living expenses for the time I'm recovering. Unfortunately, it won't come close to covering them all. I'm working on figuring that all out, and I guess it's good I have a month in which to do so.

But! I am optimistic that a solution will be found, and I have given this entire situation to the Lord since He has much stronger shoulders than me.

I guess in the end, I'm glad to have the decision made for me. I've been riding the fence on this issue for over a year and enough is enough.

On the upside (because we must have an upside to this!), I will have four weeks of writing time. Thankfully, that is one thing I will be able to do while recovering, and I'm so grateful to be able to do that. Being out of work for four weeks will be challenging as I need to be around people at some point or I tend to get depressed. But I am hopeful that the Internet will help me stay connected.

And another upside to this all? No more guessing. No more monthly drama. No more cramps. What a relief that will be! I've heard some women say that they've felt so much better after having a hysterectomy. I am hoping I also fall into that category. 

Onward!

Ah, Joy

There is great joy to be found in the world. Sunny skies. Red cardinals perching on berry-laden branches. A child's giggles. Moist chocolate cake with a thick layer of frosting. Kisses. Hugs. A prayer answered.

There's also joy found in writing.

Crafting the perfect sentence. Getting an idea and rushing to write it down. Receiving a positive response from an agent or editor. Immersing yourself in your world so fully that time races by. Having your work published.

Lots of joy.

What has given you the most joy lately in your writing?

On the Mend

I'm popping by for a quick post to thank you all for your prayers and good wishes for my surgery. It went great. We're still waiting for pathology results, which will be a good five days, but the experience I had in the hospital was a lot better this time. Of course, the surgery wasn't nearly as complicated as having an ovary removed like I did the last time!

I'm recovering all week. I've been sleeping a lot and taking pain pills, reading, and sleeping some more. I'm so thankful I am able to stay home from work to recuperate. My hubby and my daughter have been taking great care of me. And yes, I got spoiled on Valentine's Day!

Hope all is well with you!

Why Good Books Are Hard To Find

(Warning: it is 10:20 p.m. on Thursday night. I have the world's worst headache and because I have surgery in six days, I am unable to take ibuprofen or aspirin, and Tylenol doesn't work on me. So I'm awake because I can't sleep because my head hurts too darn bad, and thus, if this post reads a bit odd, you'll know why.)

I should probably clarify the title of this blog post. Good books are everywhere. But what I think is a good book and what someone else thinks is a good book are often radically different. On occasion, there are some books that transcend this divide and nearly everyone agrees on how magnificent it is (The Book Thief is such a book, and if you haven't read it, READ IT. NOW.).

Recently I picked up a book that I'd ordered a few months ago. It received good reviews and I'd had it on my to-read list on GoodReads. Since there was nary a bad review in the bunch, I figured I was golden.

Oh boy, was I wrong.

The writing was just so awful that I couldn't even get interested in the story itself. There was no hook at the beginning, flat characters, and really, really bad prose. After two chapters, I threw it down in disgust. How did this get published?

We've all read bad books, true. But I can't help but wonder if I'm finding fault with more books these days because of how I'm growing as a writer. I could have read this book ten years ago, perhaps, and not had a problem with it. But I've come so far in the writing craft (though I have a lot to learn yet) that I immediately saw all the flaws in the story. I couldn't make myself continue. While the idea for the book was intriguing, I couldn't get past the poor prose and lack of craft.

As my writing has developed, my reading tastes have become much more discerning. I can't pick up any book and invest my time in it if it's not written well. Unfortunately (or fortunately?), I cannot read a book that is written poorly, no matter how good the plot is. Bad writing pulls me completely out of the fictional world.

Whenever I go to the library, I get at least three books. Why? Because if one is a dud, I can go on to the next, and so on.

In a way, I feel awful for abandoning these books. As a writer, I know how much work goes into them. On the other hand, I wonder if they put enough work into it. However, this has only reinforced the subjectivity of this business. What one person loves, another hates. That's why we have one star reviews and five star reviews on the same book. In a way, it's rather fascinating to see how we all look at the world through different lenses.

Have you seen a shift in your book-reading tastes in regards to where you're at with your writing? Have you gravitated toward more well-written books as your writing has grown or can you overlook poor writing in favor of a good story?

A Writer's Health

A writer's productivity is often intricately linked to their health. So it has been with me.

I'm pretty open on this blog about the health issues I deal with, and I do so for two reasons. One, if I can offer any kind of support or commiseration for others out there going through the same thing, I'm happy to do so. Sometimes, when you suffer from often invisible health issues, it's nice to know you're not the only one. And two, I am a writer, and therefore I write about issues that are important to me.

I've blogged about my female health issues a lot over the last few years. There was the whole unexpected surgery to remove my right ovary, my foray into acupuncture to stave off more surgery, and my struggles to make the right decision. Well, the acupuncture didn't work (and I sometimes think it made things worse). I've been in a lot of pain the last few months and quite frankly, I'm tired of it.

This has been made worse by the news I received last Friday. I was scheduled to undergo an endometrial biopsy - a painful process - but unfortunately, my doctor couldn't perform it due to some issues with those pesky female parts. When she told me I would need a D&C procedure, I was shook up. Not only did I not want to go under the knife again, but I figured if I was going to do this, then I might as well get the hysterectomy done.

Yeah, that wasn't a good day for me.

However, after a lot of thinking and praying and a pre-op visit to my doctor yesterday, I'm holding off for now. Instead, we're doing the D&C and an ablation. This means I will no longer be able to have children. Even though my husband and I never had any plans to have more, it still is a bit unsettling to think about. But I have to look at my quality of life, and lately, it hasn't been that good. Two weeks out of the month I'm pretty much a mess - I can't exercise, am in constant pain, and moody from everything going on.

The weird thing through all this? I've been editing up a storm. I've lost myself in my novel to such an extent that I forget about all these issues swirling around in my head. It's been a blessing in disguise. Thankfully, that is one thing I can do when I'm pretty much bedridden - write.

I'm scheduled for surgery on Feb. 14 - Valentine's Day! This means my husband has to be extra special to me on that day, no?

Funnily enough, I've never had the urge to write a story where my character goes through the same health trials I've been through. I guess I've lived it enough in my own life and have no desire to explore it in my fiction. But my writing has been an absolute lifesaver for me. I've loved escaping into my fictional world and focusing on my characters' dilemmas instead of my own. It's been a welcome release, and, dare I say it, a healthy one, too.

Share Time: What Are You Writing?

I love to read about other writers' projects. It still amazes me how different our ideas can be and the way we express them. The longer I live, the more I realize how we all approach life - and thus our writing - from varied directions. Given one scenario, five writers will undoubtedly come up with five different stories. I love that.

So it's time to share what project you're working on. You can be as detailed or as vague as you like.

I'll go first.

1) I'm working on revisions for my last completed novel. It's set in Nebraska during World War II.  I'm digging deeper into the story and through an agent's suggestion, making some big changes. I'm taking my time and really enjoying the process.

2) I have another article contracted with a major history magazine. This one is about a World War II combat artist. He is in his 90s and still going strong. I've corresponded with him a few times and he is such a humble man. I love writing his story.

3) The research I've done for the article has spawned another novel idea. I'm slowly starting to shape that story in my head.

4) The fifth novel is currently on hold while I make revisions for my fourth novel. But since the fifth is a sequel to the fourth, these changes will have a definite impact. I can't wait to get back to that novel.

Your turn! What writing project are you working on?

Is the Internet Making You Lose Focus?

While I'm working on the computer, I usually have about four Internet tabs open: my email, my blog, Facebook, and Pinterest. I'll flit back and forth between them during the day, and invariably a link on one will lead me in a completely different direction and distract me from what I need to be doing.

This is precisely why I do my writing on a laptop that has no Internet connection.

I sometimes wonder if the Internet hasn't made us into an impatient, distracted, and easily amused populace. It reminds me of the scene in Batman Forever (with Val Kilmer) where the Riddler (played by Jim Carrey) invents a machine that connects a person's brain waves to the television in an all-encompassing, zombie-like experience.

On the radio this morning, a deejay said he had a link to the Top Five Time Wasters on his website. He described each one and I thought, really? Have we come to this? A game where you try and get rid of all the green dots, or a website where you make paper animals and join a community to see what other people do with their paper animals? Yeah, that sounds like a huge time waster to me.

Don't get me wrong. I adore the Internet. I've been able to make connections I wouldn't have otherwise, can research to my heart's content, shop, pay my bills, and much more. But I wonder if we're taking it too far. We're so "plugged in" and there are so many different things we can do that our attention span may very well be diminishing by leaps and bounds. I speak from experience. There are times when I'm clicking on things and skimming the article or video or whatever, then a few seconds later, I'm clicking on something else. I've noticed that instead of taking the time to really read something, I'll skim through it to get the meat of it because there's so much more out there that I want to read. It's sad, really.

We may not all have this problem, but I realize that I'm not liking this shortened attention span of mine. It may be time to start limiting Internet usage for this gal and start regaining my mental focus. 

What do you think? Do you feel yourself losing focus when on the Internet?

What Are You Reading? January Edition

Is no news good news? Then I suppose that's where I'm at right now - no news of significance to report, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

And apparently my wonderful streak of having nothing to say continues, so for today's post, I'm going with an easy one.

What are you reading right now?

I'm reading Tatiana de Rosnay's Sarah's Key. Oh wow. I read half of it in one sitting and am trying to slow down so I can savor it a bit more, but it's hard. When I start reading a good book, I don't want to do anything else. Last night I had to give myself a time limit so I could work on my novel. This book has also been made into a movie, so I'm excited to watch it when I'm finished reading.

And is it just me or do I write better when I'm reading good fiction? Hmm. That might be a good topic to delve into on a future post...

What are you reading right now?

Random Randomness

My posts have been quite sporadic lately. I blame...uh...well, I don't really know what to blame it on other than I have become remarkably unfocused the past few months.

So what better way to regain (or lose?) focus than to regale you with more random thoughts.

Gosh. I am so profound lately...

1) As much as I wanted to like Daniel Craig's Cowboys and Aliens, I confess, I was not impressed. The pacing was off and some scenes needed to be cut altogether. Worse, my delectable Daniel (shhh, don't tell my husband I said that...) did not look like he was comfortable in the role. Give me Craig as Bond any day over Craig as Cowboy.

2) After having temperatures hovering in the 50s and 60s (one day we almost hit 70), this Nebraska winter has been mild, which displeases me. I need the snow and cold and gray skies during this time of year. I know, I go against prevailing conventional wisdom here, but I think I have the opposite of SAD (seasonal affective disorder) because I crave gray, cloudy skies and cold. I know I'm not alone in this because the mighty internet has given me reliable information (!) that there are others like me out there. Thankfully, we got snow the other morning (though it's supposed to be 50 on Sunday!).

3) Spotify. I am loving it. It's an online music program that allows you to create your own playlists from just about any music you can think of. I've got '80s and '90s and current stuff, Big Band playlists, Frank Sinatra, classical, and even the soundtrack to Downton Abbey - all free.

4) Pinterest - yes, I succumbed to this online "pinboard" where you can find goodies galore. There were a few days when I found a ton of stuff from my '80s childhood and took a walk down memory lane. Great fun. If you want to join and need an invite, let me know.

5) Girl talk with my daughter is just plain awesome. She is really loving middle school and of course, she's discovered boys. Now is the time for me to plant those seeds in her mind that say, "Only find a boy who respects you" and "Never succumb to a boy who says, 'if you don't do this, I won't like you anymore.' Instead, leave him in the dust." In this day of super sexualization, of media-drenched images of perfect bodies and perfect relationships, parents have a tough job. I pray the Lord will help my daughter and I keep this close relationship because tough years are ahead: teenage years.

6) Writing...writing...writing. I've been working on my edits and loving it. I'm also excited because my article will be out in America in WWII magazine next month. Hurrah!

And now, to round out this random post, a totally random photo of me as Olga, the Russian spy, sent to kill Inspector Clouseau, in our high school play production of The Pink Panther Strikes Again. Loook at those moves! Look at that perfect stance! Look at that trim figure! *sob* Oh, to be 18 again...

My Hat

I've always loved hats. Not wearing them especially, but looking at them, absolutely.

Since I've started watching Downton Abbey, I've really come to love the Edwardian style and I've been fortunate to find some great modern-day clothes that reflect that style.

A few weekends ago, my daughter and I were shopping at JCPenney. We wandered over to the hat section for fun and I started trying on some hates. My daughter has a way of telling if something looks good on me or not, so I trust her judgement. When I put on a cloche-style hat, she gave me the thumbs up. So, after seeing that it was on sale, I bought it.



My hat

Wearing the hat out in public, however, is another thing altogether.

Not very long ago, women and men wore hats all the time. It was part of your outfit. Our society lost this particular style icon sometime during the cultural revolution of the '60s and 70's, but I am starting to see a slight resurgence (baseball caps don't count). Of course, I doubt we'll get back to those wonderful, flowery hats that used to be so popular during the Edwardian era.

But, I figure since I bought the hat, I might as well wear it. I'm not a brave person when it comes to wearing things that are out of the ordinary, but I am trying to correct that. So the other day, I wore the hat to work. I took it off as soon as I got there, but the point is, I wore it.

Yesterday, we needed to run to the mall again to get my daughter some jeans, and I put on my hat  and wore it the entire time I was at the mall. *gasp* Yes, in public, walking around strangers!

I felt quite proud of myself, and now I'm thinking of getting more hats, though I don't know that I'm brave enough to wear this one...

Do you like to wear hats? Would you like to see a renewed popularity for wearing hats such as we had in the '40s and 50's?