Staying Focused

Friends, sometimes it is exhausting to try and stay focused on goals.

Eat healthier. Lose weight. Exercise. 

Find a literary agent. Edit the novel. 

Keep working toward my dream of moving to England. 

And there are some days, like today, that I just want to sit on the couch and watch British murder mysteries. 

Last night I did my workout and it was fantastic. Felt good. Strong. Made a healthy dinner. Worked on the novel a bit. Went to bed early and couldn't sleep. Woke up and felt awful. Took an unpaid sick day (which I really can't afford to do, but...). 

I slept a lot and and then moved from bed to couch to start watching the new Palm Royale series on Apple TV which is fantastic. Now I'm watching Father Brown on BritBox and thinking I need to work on the novel.

My beloved Kathryn, who passed 3 yrs ago, knew how to rest!

Which irritates me because, as Devon pointed out in yesterday's post, why do we have such a hard time resting? I feel like if I'm not being productive, even on my days off or even on sick days, for goodness sake, I feel guilt and shame.

Capitalism. Midwestern work ethic. Call it what you will, but it's deeply ingrained in me - and many other Americans. I want to just watch television on a sick day without feeling guilty - maybe indulge in a sweet treat (trying to limit it to once a week except for my daily dark chocolate ration) and relax. Rest. 

I don't know how to combat this. I even felt guilty for taking a sick day. That's not right. 

But!

I'm still going to stay focused on my goals. Today might be a bleh day where I am not productive, don't get in a workout (I can't), and maybe only write a few sentences in the novel, or maybe none at all. And that's okay. 

Now if I can just convince my brain that it's okay!