I have nothing to say. I am drained. I'm a washcloth who has been wrung out, again and again. My eyes are puffy and red and I am incredibly fragile. The soon-to-be ex told me he is "seeing" someone, even though we promised each other that we wouldn't date anyone until after the divorce. I was holding him to that promise. I was holding myself to that promise. And in my eyes, dating someone else while you are still married is wrong. It's called cheating. It's disrespectful and demeaning to your mate and cheapens the years you were together.
It also teaches your children something - a whole host of somethings. Suffice to say, my daughter is grieving just as much as I am.
Why do I share this with you? Is this too personal? Perhaps it is. But I hope if I can save one person from making this mistake, I will have saved them from causing their spouse the unbearable nightmare my life was in the past two days.
Some may not agree with me. They may think if you're separated or are in the process of a divorce, you can see other people. That's fine. You are entitled to your beliefs. But me...no. I will never ever believe it is right. Not only will you do yourself a disservice if you cheat (because how will the other person in your new relationship really ever trust you?), but you are hurting your soon-to-be ex-spouse. My divorce has been in the works for four months. Four months. That is it. We were together for 10 years. I feel cast aside, like a piece of used goods. I ask myself, was I that easy to get over?
Yes, yes, I know. "Time will heal. This just shows you his true character. You're better off without him." I know all these things. But sometimes, you have to vent. You need to get it out, express your anger and the feeling of betrayal. And that's exactly how I feel - betrayed. But even worse, my daughter feels the same way.
We'll be ok. We're strong. We have lots of friends and family surrounding us. But I will never look at my husband the same way again. He has destroyed our friendship and I was so hoping we could hang onto that.
Counseling is in my future and for my daughter. Lots of prayer. Lots and lots of journal entries (I wrote one last night). And lots of pouring my frustration, hurt, and anger into my exercising
So I'm trying to be positive, but since this is a grieving process, I also have to let those emotions out, otherwise they will hit me when I'm least expecting it.
I've got a new home on the web - stop by if you get a chance! www.melissamarsh.net
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