Monday, June 27, 2005

A Little Agitated...

On a whim, I recently applied for a job with Colonial Wiliamsburg. I thought I had an interview - but it turns out my stepson wrote down the wrong number and the wrong company. I still don't know who called me, but I figured it must have been CW since I haven't applied with anyone else since I started this job. But it wasn't.

I was quite excited by the prospect of possibly working at Colonial Williamsburg. It's my dream job. And what's more - I would be using my master's degree.

I just got off the phone with my husband and said he didn't have to worry about the potential to move to Virginia anymore since there was no interview. He said he was never worried about it.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because we can't just up and move."

I remained silent on the phone and quickly turned the topic of discussion to something different.

Here's why I'm mad. My husband lived in Europe for eight years. He traveled all over. He's had adventures. And now it's like - he's done. He doesn't want to move again, doesn't want to uproot anymore. I understand that.

But what about me?

I have this MA degree that I'm not using. I long to be where the history that I love is. That means either New England or England. But sometimes I feel like I will never be able to pursue my dreams unless I do it right in the town I'm living in now. And the opportunities I want to pursue are NOT HERE.

I've traveled to England. I've traveled several places around the United States. But I haven't even begun to tap all the places I want to see.

I greatly fear that if I want to make a big career move, like moving halfway across the country, I will be doing it by myself. I don't want to do that again.


I don't want to give up on my dreams. I don't want to stay in this town the rest of my life. If I am given an opportunity somewhere, I want to take it. But is that being selfish?

I guess what bothers me the most is the dismissal I feel from my husband. He knows how badly I want to move to Virginia or England and find a job in the history profession. But yet...I don't think he will make the move with me. I understand that he's done a great deal of moving in his life (and he's only 33), but darn it - should I sacrifice my dreams so he doesn't have to pull up roots again?

Another sigh.......

I just devoured a bag of M&M's - (thankfully, a small one!).


  1. Aw, hugs, Melissa. That is so hard. I can understand how you feel. One of the good things about being a fulltime writer is that it doesn't matter where I live, which made it a lot easier last year when we moved for the sake of my husband's job. And for my husband's job or school, we've moved five times (all but the last time was before we had kids--having school age kids adds a whole 'nother layer to the moving decision thing). Women have made a lot of progress, but we still are still more likely to end up making a move for our husband's careers than our own. :/

  2. Hugs Melissa. I live 20 minutes from Williamsburg. Want me to look up the number for you? Let me know what department and I can check the Yellow Pages...

  3. That's rough, Melissa. And one of the things that has probably kept me single for so long - the idea that I might have to curtail chasing my dream because the person I'm with refuses to budge and come along. Truth be told, if it were me, I'd probably wave good-bye and chase the dream. If they weren't willing to come with me, to support something that important to me, then I'm not sure I could stay. Then again, that's coming from someone who's never been in that situation so what do I know? Theories and reality are often two very different things. But I feel your pain. It's a bit of a disappointing situation to be in. I hope it all works out for the best.

  4. Tough decision, Melissa. I'm not sure what I would do. The opportunity to live and breathe Colonial Williamsburg is fabulous! But at what cost? One would hope that your most dearest, closest friend would support anything you do, instead of selfishly thinking of his own inconvenience. How much of yourself do you sacrifice for a relationship? What is the real cost, losing a career or losing a spouse? I don't know Mel...

  5. Melissa--give him a bit of a chance--guys need to take things slow.

    I gave up science because it was too hard to find two jobs in the same place for two scientists. Well--and the fact I had babies, and the fact I wanted to write. It is the real beauty of writing, to be able to move around (or not) with a partner's job. Think about all the research you can do. Holidays, vacations? Keep looking for jobs and work on dh, don't be down, try to find a working solution. But don't cut him off completely until you've looked at it from your family's POV. (plus guys say stupid things they don't think about all the time).

    I know the wanderlust feeling, and you're right, it isn't fair you haven't traveled...but the wanderlust doesn't go away even when you've been around the world a few times, so try to use your stories to satisfy you for now and plan a trip. That's what I do.

    If he can move jobs easily ...kill him!!!

  6. Suzanne, Kelly, Toni, Olivia, and Michelle - thanks so much for your thoughts. You gals are great. :-)

    I think I got to the heart of the matter last night. My husband is worried that if we keep moving around all the time, he won't be able to find work because he'll be too old - he's only 33 now, but never went to college - he joined the army right out of high school. I told him last night that now is the time to go to school and get a degree so that he can actually have a CAREER. I hope he chooses that path.
    He said he would be willing to move to Virginia IF I ever get a job.

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