Thursday, June 09, 2005

Feel the Excitement!

I felt it last night. Sitting on my front porch swing (which my wonderful hubby made for me), I poured through my notes for "Robert's Story" (which does not yet have a title) and finalized a few things on the plot, made a list for what I needed to research, and did some character work.

And then I felt it. The excitement. The anticipation. The joy.

I cannot wait to write this book. I have never had a book gel so well - after I initially got through my plot hurdles, with Rene's help - with how my characters relate to one another, the black moment, everything. But what astonished me most of all last night was that I actually had a theme for my book. My last book, I don't think I thought about theme as much as I should have. I'm sure it does have a theme, but I don't know that I was consciously aware of it when I wrote it.

That is why we learn from every book that we write.

I am pumped to get the process started.

But there is one thing holding me back...that old fear.

I worry that once I sit down to put my thoughts on paper, it won't be nearly as good as it is in my head. But when is it ever as good? Probably never. Despite that, I fear I will be stifled. That every word will be a drop of my blood on the page. In short, that the writing won't flow.

How do you deal with this? I sometimes think I really really think too much. And this hampers my ability to enjoy the process.

It goes back to turning off that internal editor. And the internal judge. And just writing.

Easier said than done.

8 comments:

  1. Yes! So glad you're feeling it, Melissa! :)

    About that grumpy self-doubt monster...maybe you could get him drunk? Or stuff him with sugar. He's a pesky one.

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  2. I hate that internal editor. I had to give mine the boot when I had to get the first draft of TOB written and fast. I just wrote flat out, no editing, no going back. I remembered what one of my RWA chapter members said to me (don't know if it was an original quote or if she got it from someone else) - you can revise anything but an empty page. You need to give yourself permission to write crap. It can be fixed later. Get down the bones, then work on the flesh and sinew. Sometimes what I'll do, when I have more time, is write 3 chpts flat out, then go back and do revisions; then move on to the next 3. I'm so glad you're excited about this one - that's such a great feeling. I'm really excited to get started on my next one too. The ideas are flowing left, right and centre. Of course, there is still that voice that says 'this better alllll come together when I go to write it down'! Maybe we can't avoid the fear, just deal with it instead.

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  3. Amy - I'm stuffing it with sugar right now! *grin*
    Kelly - I know what you mean about giving yourself permission to write crap. It's so easy to become paralyzed with writing perfect that you never get anything done.

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  4. man, that self doubt is tough, isn't it? Always wondering if the words will come out like the picture in your head. Good luck with this. And Yay! about the excitement. It's so cool being a writer!

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  5. The only way to conquer any fear is to do the thing you fear. I fear writing EVERY DAY. Then I sit down and it happens and I feel so much better! I love writing! Why do I fear it? Then it starts all over the next day....

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  6. Wasn't it Nora who made the blank page comment?? Very true anyway :)

    Melissa--I'm sure it will be great. Ignore the internal editor for the first draft, do your thing :), have fun for the weekend and remember why you like writing :)

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  7. Don't you LOVE that feeling when you LOVE your work? Nothing beats that.

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