These Are the Days

Do you know what it's like to have a twenty-five pound weight drop on your bare foot?

I do.

It happened last night. The offending weight (used in my husband's barbells) was on our couch. I, however, did not know this and when I pulled on a folder file that was mysteriously heavy, I dislodged the weight and it fell down and bounced off my foot.

Yes, bounced.

I spent the rest of the night with my foot propped up and an ice pack on it. When I tried to walk, I about cried. But after awhile, I tried to put some more weight on it and was successful. So, needless to say, I blessedly escaped with a badly bruised foot, but no broken bones. Thank you Lord! That was the last thing I needed - to be on crutches and have my husband disabled, too!

Speaking of my husband, he's scheduled to have a skin graft done on Wednesday morning. Please pray that it will go well.

And speaking of writing...

I have all weekend to work on the novel. So off I go...

Imagination Part 2

Sometimes, a picture doesn't need words. I think all three of these speak for themselves. :-)

It's the Sacrifices

So I'm dragging a bit at work today. I've only had one Diet Pepsi, but that may change.

The reason? Why, lack of sleep, of course. My resolve to meet my deadline for my novel edits had me at the computer at 11 p.m. last night. And my fingers were flying. In fact, when I finished, my arms hurt. (Of course, I'm doing my edits on my laptop which does not have a handy split keyboard).

But I was quite pleased with what I'd accomplished.

And I can't wait to get to it tonight.

What sacrifices do you make for your writing?

Pssst...It's My Anniversay

And I didn't even remember until I came to work and saw it on my calendar.

It's been 8 years.

I love you, honey!

Getting Back on Track

When a major event happens in your life - like your husband being in the hospital for nearly three weeks and being unemployment for a possibilty of two months - you sort of get sidetracked from normal, everyday life. And in my case, I also got sidetracked from my novel.

I think I did a decent job of working on it while everything was going on around me, but I can definitely tell that my focus wasn't on it. And that's how it should be. I had more important things to worry about. My husband's health and taking care of my daughter came first.

But now that hubby is on the road to recovery and my daughter is thrilled to have him take care of her at home now, it's time for me to refocus and get back on track with my writing.

The edits aren't yet done for the novel, but I believe I can get them done within a reasonable amount of time. Since hubby can't lay around for very long, he's been doing light housework, which has definitely helped me out, and this will give me more time to write.

I'm not much of a goal maker because they generally tend to derail me more than help. Weird, I know, but if I give myself deadlines, I like to meet them. (There's probably not much difference between a goal and a deadline, but it works for me).

I'm giving myself until August 4th to have my novel completely finished - edits, rewrites, proofreading, etc. I think it's doable.

In fact, I just might download one of those nifty count down gizmos to help keep me on track.

Anyone else need motivated? Come join me!

He's Home

Hubby is finally out of the hospital.

He still has the nice vacuum sponge attached to his arm and has to carry the wound vacuum around with him, but hey, he's home.

Thank you so much for all your thoughts and prayer, good wishes, and encouragement!

Let's Talk About Writing

Right now, my daughter is running around the house. It's 10:58 p.m. Yes, I should be in bed. But these days, I don't get to bed too early. There's simply too much to do. Housework. Writing. Visiting hubby in the hospital (yes, he's still there).

My daughter has an incredibly vivid imagination. She has donned her Batman mask (just like in Batman Begins) and has a pair of my red fuzzy slipper socks pulled up all the way past her elbows. For her tail, she has attached a jump rope. She believes it to be the longest tail in the world.

Tonight, she is a dog. At the hospital, the doctor has started asking her what animal she is today. Sometimes it's a fox. Or a wolf. Or a saber tooth tiger.

What does all this have to do with writing?

Imagination.

As writers, we all need it. If we don't have it, our stories are flat, dull, and just plain boring.

But I believe that as adults, we don't let our imagination take flight like we did as kids. Do you remember what you used to play when you were little? I was everything from a paleontologist to a housewife to a motorcycle rider (I even had some cool sunglasses). I was rarely, if ever, bored. When I wasn't indulging my mind in a book, I was strengthening my creativity through play.

Exactly as my daughter is doing.

Sometimes I have struggled to put words on the page. My characters mull around and utter inane words. They do boring stuff. They don't jump in mud puddles and get their feet wet. They don't suddenly decide to stop paying the bills, skip town, and head to Jamaica just for the heck of it.

When I have trouble getting my characters to act, getting the words to flow, getting the story to move forward, it's largely because my "adult" is writing and not my "child." Now don't get me wrong - we need both to create. But sometimes, the adult gets a little heavy handed and thinks, "That's not realistic at all. That's just stupid and immature."

But sometimes, that's exactly what our writing needs. We need a burst of the ridiculous, a spontaneous lurch into the unknown. We need to let our inner child come out and play once in awhile instead of being all stuffy and adult-like. In short, we need to excercise our imagination.

When's the last time you played with your writing, whether it be the language or your characters' motivations?

I suppose this use of imagination ties into the joy of writing. When we write and we're happy, I believe it is because we are allowing our imagination to roam a bit, to go outside the cubicle and into the playground. We experience a child-like delight in our story, our article, our novel because we're having fun.

Maybe this doesn't happen on every piece you write. Maybe you're writing something really serious and the thought of letting your inner child come out and play is a ridiculous notion. But wait. Is it really? Maybe you could capture a different turn of phrase if you allowed your imagination to do its job, or take the article in an entirely different direction and make it better by playing with the words.

The next time you sit down to write, tell that pesky, mature, no-nonsense adult attitude to go sit in the waiting room for awhile. You and your imagination have a date on the playground.

It's been an eventful few days.

Lots of visits to the hospital. Lots of writing. Lots of sleeping!

My mom took my daughter and I to the mall today. It was nice just to be around other people and see the hustle and bustle of humanity. I'd been hiding in my house a little too much lately, venturing out only to the hospital and to work. And yeah, I could feel the depression start to creep back in.

Hubby is scheduled for another surgery tomorrow. That makes three in six days, and he has to have anesthesia for each one. The doc is thinking he may be able to go home early next week, but he's going to have to take his vacuum sponge machine with him. It's amazing to watch that thing work, sucking the infection out of his arm in a little tube.

Unfortunately, the new antibiotic they put him on made him break out in a rash, so he's been dealing with itchy skin! They gave him a shot of Benadryl right in his IV and needless to say, he was out pretty soon after that. :-)

I just want to get him home. Things are slowly being worked out financially. Looks like the VA will be able to help out with the mortgage, and we've been given an extension with our car payment. But it's the everyday bills I'm struggling with. But as always, I remind myself that God will provide.

Writing was great on Thursday and Friday. Got lots and lots done, and I had a wonderful time. I think tomorrow I'll take the laptop to the hospital and work while hubby is in surgery.

The Same Old

This is a picture of us at our wedding reception eight years ago. I just realized that our wedding anniversary is coming up - July 16. Let's hope he's out of the hospital by then!

We're definitely going through the "in sickness" part of the wedding vows. And that's ok. Despite being a bit snippy and grouchy with one another because of everything going on, we're still very much committed to each other.

I actually celebrated the 4th of July yesterday. I hated not celebrating with hubby, but my daughter and I still had a good time. We went over to my brother's house, had a small picnic, and then went to watch the community fireworks show. But more moving than the bursts of colored light was the simple act of my daughter holding my brother's hand as we walked down the street. It was quite precious. He is going to make a great dad someday!



This morning I had to go to the hospital for surgery #2. They had to put a vacuum sponge in hubby's arm to keep the infection draining. Now he's hooked up on both arms - IV and antibiotics in one arm, and the nice little vacuum machine in the other. The doctor told me that it was a very deep infection in his arm and has damaged his skin. In fact, a skin graft might have to be done to get his arm to close properly. That is just a possiblity at this point, but I pray we won't have to do that. He will have to have surgery again over the weekend to check on the healing process. When I asked the doctor why they waited until now to drain it, he said that it was time - if they had drained it before it was ready, they could have risked even further complications. I've had so much medical stuff in my brain recently that I really don't know how to explain it anymore. Either that or my brain is just too darn tired.



I lost it yesterday in his room, though, and cried. I thought I was doing so well the night before when I had to deal with his first surgery. "I'm handling this pretty well," I mused to myself. Well, that was just the calm before the storm. Everything just got to me yesterday and I ended up crying in hubby's arms. I'm not ashamed to admit it - I've got a lot of stress right now, and I think I've dealt with it pretty well. But sometimes, the dam has to break. I felt a lot better after a good cry. Why are women built this way? Why do we relieve stress through tears?



I took a nap when I got home today, and right now, I intend to dive into my manuscript for the rest of the evening. It's hot, hot, hot outside and I have no desire to be anywhere near it.



I'm in a bit of shock, I suppose. I never thought we would still be in the hospital nearly two weeks later. Who knew?



I can tell you what's getting me through this, though. The thoughts and prayers of my friends (including all of you!) and my family and the Lord. I wouldn't have any strength if it wasn't for Him.

So even though I've said it before, it's worth repeating - I deeply appreciate all the concerns, advice, and encouragement you've given me over the past two weeks. It's so great to log on to my computer and see your comments. You're all wonderful!

Nope, Not Home Yet

I now know what a surgery waiting room looks like.

Hubby and I were told that he might possibly go home Tuesday. But yet, here it is, Tuesday night, and hubby is in the same room, the same bed, but sporting a nicely gauze-wrapped arm. He's still dopey from the anesthesia (and I am too darn tired to see if that is spelled right).

He went in at 8:30 p.m. and I just now got home - it's nearly midnight.

The orthopedic surgeon had to go in and drain the abscess in hubby's arm. The infection just wans't getting any better in that particular spot and when they went in, they saw why. I don't quite understand it all, but it looks like the infection had actually built a "wall" in his arm. Blood vessels had started to wrap around it (apparently the body's attempt to heal itself). Thus, when they opened him up, he lost quite a bit of blood - 400 cc's (whatever that means). The incision was about four inches long, and hubby's arm is now packed with antibiotic gauze. He's going to be in some severe pain when he wakes up in the morning. I left him in his morphine-induced state. He was slowly coming out of it, but he was about ready to fall asleep when I finally took our daughter and made the now-familiar journey out of the hospital.

The doc has to go in and look at the arm again on Thursday morning to see how things look. That means another surgery.

I do not want to see this hospital bill.

This whole thing is just crazy. I never thought he'd be in there this long. I never thought I would become familiar with his different nurses. I never thought I would start to recognize the volunteers who work at the front desk. I also never thought I would eat such bad hospital food.

I have three days off this week, plus the weekend. That's five days. Those days will probably consist of hospital visits and writing. And I'm going to sneak in some good sleep time, too. I need it after what we've been through!

Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers. :-)

Stir-Crazy

It's been a week and two days since my husband has been in the hospital. And the end isn't in sight yet. We thought Monday would be the day. But the doctor told us today that nope, it's looking more like Wednesday or Friday. We're waiting for the swelling to go down in his arm around the bicep area, where the infection appears to have originated. Otherwise, my husband is doing great. Has his appetite back, no fever, etc. He's tired of laying around, though. And to tell you the truth, I'm tired of being at the hospital!

I did take a walk yesterday afternoon - I just couldn't stand it anymore. And to my surprise, I found that William Jennings Bryan, a famous Nebraskan and actually, famous American, built a house where the hospital now stands. That house is now a museum and the hospital is named after him. I'm hoping to visit it next week. Looks like I'll have plenty of time to do so!

I'm also upset at myself for my eating habits lately. I haven't been going to Curves since I pretty much live at the hospital. I was hoping to get back to working out this week, but since hubby's still going to be hooked up to IV's and getting antibiotics, that doesn't look like it will happen. And the hospital tends to make some pretty darn good desserts. I resisted today, but haven't been the best on the other days, and I know I've already gained back a few pounds that I lost. So now I'm on a mission to eat better.

But man, it's hard. When I get stressed, I eat. It's a proven fact. I try to eat healthy - veggies and fruits, but that doesn't always happen. I've got a huge financial burden on my shoulders right now. The bank is calling demanding its money, and I'm pretty sure some of the utility companies will be calling me soon, especially the cell phone company. They all want me to go borrow money from some well-meaning, rich relative. Um, sorry, everyone I know is broke! And really, I have my pride. I am not one of those people that goes and begs others for money. Just not me.

I'm in the midst of filling out the paperwork to get some help from the Veteran's Admin. for the bills, but they don't cover past due bills. I am just hoping that everyone will work with me.

I won't lie - I had tears in my eyes when I left the hospital today, not only for the migraine that started to creep around my temples, but also because I really don't know what we're going to do. Having no insurance and a huge hospital bill is enough, but when you add on an additional month of living with only one spouse's paycheck when you're used to living with two is not going to be easy.

I just try and comfort myself with the knowledge that God will provide. In fact, I cling to that right now.

On Writing...

Despite being a big stressed out, I have dived back into the manuscript and have had to shut the inner critic and the "you'll never sell because you suck" voice off. It's not been easy. Sometimes the words flow better than others, and I'm just going to stick to it. I need to get this manuscript sent off. I've looked at it so long that I think it all sucks. Suppose that's not too strange for those of us who do this writing gig!