My Dream Office

 

If you're a writer, you have a dream office.

For some, it's a room filled with light and space, with plenty of room to dream and create.

For others, it's a tucked away spot, a tiny cave to lock oneself away and shut out the world.

For some: light, airy colors; for others, dark and brooding.

For me, it's a grand room, filled with bookshelves, rich tapestries, a fireplace, dim lights, thick carpets, and a large desk where I can spread out. Of course the room must have a chaise lounge in front of a large, latticed window where I can gaze out at a backyard filled with flowers (tended to, of course, by someone other than me as I have a black thumb). 

It looks something like this:

Or perhaps something like this:

I do like the dark tones. Oh! But this is delightful, as well.

It must have a fireplace, and it must have built-in bookshelves. No televisions are allowed in this room, even though I confess, I do enjoy having a classic movie playing in the background sometimes when I write. But I think for the dream office, I'll eschew the TV and listen to classical records instead.

Right now, I'm crammed into a bedroom and while I am thankful for the space that I do have, oh, do I ever dream of that wonderful, perfect office. Can I write anywhere? Have laptop, will write! But I long to have a place that is solely for creating, for dreaming, for writing.

Do you have a dream office? 

Me? Inspiring?

If we were to give out awards for those most likely to downplay their accomplishments, I would win the gold medal. 

That's why it's always hard for me to accept praise from people who say I am inspiring, or that I am amazing for my achievements despite the adversity I've faced. 

I don't think I'm inspiring. But...maybe I am?

So for this blog post, I'm going to toot my own horn and maybe, just maybe, I can catch a glimpse of what others believe makes me inspiring. 

(This is going to be hard. I was taught to be humble, to not brag, to not shout out my accomplishments. Christian Evangelism, you have a lot to answer for in my life, but that's for another post). 

Here goes.

During my toxic, abusive marriage of 18 years, I managed to work full-time, raise my children, write freelance book reviews, write several articles published in American in WWII magazine, write my nonfiction book, Nebraska POW Camps, and write several novels, once which was eventually published last year.

Also during these 18 years, I battled a narcissistic abusive husband who managed to cause chaos and turmoil everywhere he went. I became trapped in a trauma bond and an abuse cycle. I moved out three times, but always went back (trauma bonds are extremely strong). I also started to develop severe health issues. I had several surgeries for my female health issues, culminating in a hysterectomy in 2012. That surgery triggered something in my body, and I started to get sick. Doctors thought it was rheumatoid arthritis, but in all actuality, it was probably fibromyalgia.

Then in 2013, I became incredibly ill with mono and had to go to the ER. This, combined with the trauma from my marriage, caused me to develop chronic fatigue syndrome (although I didn't know this until 2021). My health began to steadily decline, but I kept writing because, well, I'm a writer. It's what I do.

2017 hit and my marriage imploded. My husband cheated on me and left, leaving me to pick up the pieces and raise our daughter on my own. That same year, the press who had published my Nebraska POW Camps book approached me and asked if I'd like to write another book. Still reeling from my divorce, I said yes, and began researching the book that would become WWII Nebraska. I still owed my then-agent a novel, so I finished that up and turned it in to her and wasn't surprised at all when she said it needed a ton of work. I was so mired in grief and PTSD that it's no wonder!

So I went to therapy. I kept working on my nonfiction book, and shelved my novel. For a year and a half, I kept to myself, going out with friends occasionally, but mostly staying home in my little cocoon, trying to heal.

When I felt ready, I started dating. Ohhhh boy. Maybe someday I'll write a book about dating in your 40s. I had some great experiences and met some wonderful guys - one became one of my dearest friends! But I also had some terrible, traumatic experiences .Back to therapy I went. 

I started working on a new novel, kept trying to get it work, but my personal life was still in turmoil and it was hard. I also noticed that my health was starting to get worse. 

Just before the pandemic hit in 2020, I'd met a wonderful man, and we'd started dating. The pandemic gave us the perfect opportunity to really get to know each other since going out was no longer an option. We went on fishing trips and put together puzzles and went on long walks. I decided to sell my house because I needed a fresh start. There were too many traumatic memories in that home, so it had to go. My daughter and I moved into an apartment for two years.

I kept writing, and Simon & Schuster UK published my first novel. The Stranger from Berlin. It was a dream come true! I enjoyed the entire experience and worked with a wonderful editor. Unfortunately, the pandemic really put a wrinkle in marketing and publicity, so my sales weren't great, and it was never released in paperback. Sigh.

At the end of 2020, I decided to pursue my PhD in history. Despite all my challenges, it was always something I'd wanted to do. So I applied to my university's history dept and was accepted into the PhD program. I started classes in the fall of 2021.

By this time, my health had become much worse. I was working from home full-time during the pandemic, and after restrictions were eased, I knew I couldn't go back to the office, so I've been working from home ever since. 

But also in 2021, a new rheumatologist said, "You don't have rheumatoid arthritis. It's something else."

So. I'd been misdiagnosed for nearly 10 years and had been taking medication that I didn't need for those 10 years.

To say I was upset was an understatement. So, in November of 2021, I went to the Mayo Clinic. I needed answers, and what better place to go than one of the best medical centers in the country?

That's when I received the news that not only did I have fibromyalgia, but I had chronic fatigue syndrome. I finally had an answer for the terrible flares, pain, and debilitating fatigue I'd been experiencing.

But as I was in school, I didn't have a lot of time to dwell on that. I had papers to write and books to read. I still had my full time job to deal with, and yes, I was still working on my novel!

In the spring of 2022, my boyfriend and I decided to move in together, so I had to pack and move again - which was NOT easy on this body of mine, but we did it!

Which brings us to the present. 

Whew.

After writing all of that, you know what? I am pretty damn proud of what I've accomplished. Three books published. Numerous articles. PhD student. Domestic abuse survivor. One kick-ass mom to an awesome (now adult) daughter. Chronic illness warrior. 

If I really think about it, at any point during my life I could have just...stopped. Given up. Said, "I'm done. Life is too hard." I could have stayed with my husband. I could have refused to go to therapy and probably ended up in another abusive relationship. I could have allowed my circumstances to drown me. I could have taken refuge in alcohol or drugs. I could have let my illnesses stop me from living life. I could have stopped writing.

But I didn't.

The burning passion to write, whether it be novels or history books or articles, just won't let me alone. It's guided me from a very young age - middle school! - and it has kept me sane and focused on days when I wanted to end it all.

The burning passion to see and experience the world, to study history, whether through books or travel, won't let me alone, either. That's why in the last 20 years, I've gone to England twice, traveled to New Orleans twice, and been to Virginia. Sure, that's not a lot of travel when compared with some people, but considering my past situations? That's a lot. And I'm planning to do so much more!

Is that inspiring? 

Hell yes it is.

Am I inspiring?

Hell yes I am!

Finding My Way Back

I have a paper due for class in three weeks. Considering the amount of trouble it's given me, you'd think I'd completely forgotten how to construct a research paper. I don't know if I'm just overthinking (probable) or my cognitive function isn't great during this flare (also probable) but I've only been able to work on it in fits and starts.

I rather thought I had it sorted the other day, so I'd been trudging through it when I unexpectedly got overwhelmed again and almost closed the laptop in frustration. 

But then I decided to pop over to my novel document (I always keep it open on my laptop so I can work on it whenever I feel the urge) and write down a new opening sentence that came to me the other night. (Why I get ideas right before I fall asleep is another subject for another day.) To my utter astonishment, I kept typing, the words spilling out of my fingers, energized as if from tiny lightning bolts. It wasn't a chore, wasn't a slog. The words came fast and easy. 

When I finished that writing session, I had nearly 500 new, good words. 

I've been searching and searching for a way out of this mental morass in which I find myself, this inability to sit down and let the words flow, this unhinged perfectionism constantly goading me. And suddenly, it just vanished. 

Was it because I'd already been writing on something else, and writing fiction was just, well, easier? 

Maybe.

Or was it because I already had a sentence in mind, and I wasn't even thinking of doing more than writing that particular sentence, and thus, I felt no pressure to write more?

Or, and this is what I believe to be true, I'd already written a blog post that day, worked on my paper, and thus, creativity beget (begot?) more creativity?

I'm going with that.

Writing those 500 words was sheer bliss. I enjoyed every second of it. This is what I've been craving for months.

I'm slowly finding my way back to me, the girl who used to sit in her basement during summer vacations and hammer out stories on her mom's manual typewriter, the teenager who eschewed going out partying in high school for staying at home to work on her new novel, the woman who devoured writing craft books and kept honing her craft, the woman who lost the love of writing through adversity, trauma, and despair, and is slowly finding it again.

Those 500 words lit the spark. I hope I can now fan the flame.

We Have Only Just Begun

Chapter One has been started.

It happened last night at approximately 11 p.m. Kids in bed. Hubby snoring. Cats romping around upstairs.

I couldn't wait any longer. I thought about starting tomorrow, when I was fresh and ready to go, when I had my music playing and my candles lit.

Instead, I started when my eyelids were drooping, when my body cried out for sleep, when the noises of the basement accompanied me and nothing else.

Don't think, just write kept going through my mind. Prayers were sent. Again and again. Please show me I haven't lost the ability to write. Please show me I can still do this.

And those prayers were answered at 11:00 p.m. Words flowed. Imagery emerged. Characters spoke.

Ahh...bliss.

Brainstorming

I looked a lot like this picture yesterday. I sat and stared at my computer, then stared at the calendar on the wall, then stared at the cats who stared back at me.

My goal for yesterday was to finish figuring out the major points of my novel. I struggled with it all day, and no amount of chocolate helped. (I limited myself, though!). I fought the problems all morning and afternoon until about 3:30 when my husband declared we needed to get out of the house. We headed to Target because it was too darn cold to take a walk.

I wandered around the store, picked up Ocean's Twelve for $6 because I love the Ocean's 11 movies, ignored all the delectable desserts in the bakery section, and vowed to boycott low-waisted jeans. But I was no closer to figuring out my plot than before.

I hit the computer again when we got home, but I still struggled. I have seven pages of notes - yes, seven - of aimless thoughts, of questions I'm posing to myself, of half-formed ideas and concepts.

And wouldn't you know it - the one thing that opened the flood gates was something that not only is good for the mind, but excellent for the body - exercise. I plugged in the treadmill, popped a big band CD in, and got to walking. After a few minutes of working out (and I ask you, how can you not move when you're listening to swing music?), the gears started churning. The solution suddenly presented itself, and as I kept on walking/jogging/and doing sit-ups (darn low-waisted jeans made me realize I needed to really target that area!), I kept going over the angles. Everything fell into place.

So. There you have it. When you're stuck, exercise. Move. Stretch. Allow your mind to wander. You'll feel better physically and emotionally when you're done. I'm sure this isn't new to many of you, but it's definitely worth repeating!

Four Days!

Is Christmas really only four days away? Wow. I honestly wonder where 2007 went.

I finished up some shopping last night, but I have just a few more items to get tonight with hubby, then we'll be done. I'm also buying groceries tonight since we have a nice winter storm warning for the weekend. No need to be stranded in my house without Diet Pepsi or chocolate!

I have a four-day weekend ahead of me and I plan to make the most of it. This will include:

1) Rearranging the Christmas tree that the kitties have mercilessly destroyed

2) Making homemade cherry cheesecake for Christmas dinner

3) Curling up on the couch with a cup of hot cocoa and watching an old movie or reading a book

4) Researching the novel and writing down ideas

6) Wrapping presents!

7) Keeping my daughter from finding the presents before I wrap them!

8) Relaxing and enjoying the Christmas spirit!

Have I Been Writing?

I know - two posts in one day. What's up with that?

Maybe it's the compulsive need to share what's going on in my writing life.

Well, here's the scoop.

I've been:

Freelancing
Writing copy at work
Researching

But the last time I sat down to write a story was...um...months ago.

Why?

In this case, a simple answer won't suffice. A bit of detail is needed.

A few months ago, I had just finished completely outlining my next novel - it was a contemporary mainstream novel set in Italy. My character sketches were complete. The plot lines worked out. In fact, everything was done that needed to be for me to start the book. And start it I did. I wrote the first few pages. Then I promptly stopped.

It just didn't feel right.

This novel is not meant to be told - not right now. I'm not sure why. It's a terrific story and I love my characters - but, and this is a major but, I fell completely out of love with it. Whenever I think of writing my novels, a wave of excitement cascades through me. I can't wait to jump into it and see what my characters are doing. But there was a level of reluctance and - dare I say it? - actual dread at writing this novel.

My instincts screamed at me to stop, and stop now, before I damaged my psyche any further.

Maybe it was because I'm not ready to write the story, haven't experienced enough in life to do it justice. Maybe it's because I'm not being true to what I really love to write - World War II.

So to answer the question, "Have I been writing?" the question is, yes and no. I've been writing at work and on a freelance basis, but I haven't started Chapter One on the next novel. But, I have been researching the next novel, jotting down character notes and figuring out the plot. I anticipate that I'll be ready to write Chapter One by January.

This whole experience has taught me a very powerful thing: listen to your instincts.

I could have spent months on this novel, struggling to write each word, and feeling lousy the entire time. Eventually, I would have figured it out and abandoned it, but not after I lost lots of time.

The next time you're struggling with a project and you just don't feel "right" about it, listen to that voice. It may be trying to tell you something.

Ready to Write

Since I switched gears about a month ago and decided to put aside the Italian Duet novel, I've been plotting my next book. I have so many ideas that it's been hard to pin down what I want to write exactly and what ideas need to show up as future books.

So I've been a plotting gal for the last month. And I'm heartily sick of it.

I want to write, darn it. But I fear that if I start writing now, when I don't know a few key elements of my plot, I'll end up stuck. And I really don't want that to happen. Plus I have research to do! Sure, I'm involved in the writing process, but I really want to just sit down in front of the blank screen (yes, I really do!) and start creating.

With this weekend's weather forecast, I may have the opportunity. We're supposed to get a doozy of a storm that may turn into a lot of snow. Perfect weather for creating!

Are You Writing What You Love?

Two reasons for the cute kitty picture today.

1) Mama Kitty a.k.a. Katie had her litter of kittens this morning. Yes, yes, I am a bad pet owner, considering she just had a littler seven months ago. Unfortunately, by the time she'd weaned the kittens and was able to get fixed, my hubby landed in the hospital. And we all know how that ended up! Since we had no extra money for getting Katie fixed, we just tried to keep her in the house. She snuck out a few times, though, and we couldn't catch her. The result? More kitties. Sigh...

(Rant: why do vets charge so much for spaying and neutering? They want to control the pet population, but it is so darn expensive to get the animals fixed that a lot of people can't afford it, which equals unwanted animals! I just got Slick (the male cat from the last litter) fixed and it cost a little over $100. That's not chump change!)

Well, we're taking care of the problem as soon as these new kittens are weaned (even if I have to borrow the money!). We woke up this morning at 5:40 a.m. to their little mews and so far she has had three. Last time she went a whole 24 hours after giving birth to one, so I was surprised that we had three already. I had to go to work, so I'm hopeful she'll have had them all by the time I get home. I've already got a home for one of them, and will make sure the others have good homes, too. Then it is off to the vet for Miss Katie!

2) Ok, second reason for the cute kitty picture. This little guy looks like he is really into what he's writing. Are you?

If you're a writer, are you writing what you love? If you'll recall a few days ago, I posted about my determination to write what I love and make a living writing what I love.

I haven't changed my stance. And strangely enough, the ideas for my new novel have been coming fast and furious. I get ideas on the treadmill and doing the dishes and trying to fall asleep at night. Strange, considering the last novel (the Italian novel) was like pulling teeth to get everything figured out. Make of that what you will, but I believe it was God's little way of telling me, "Write this one later. You're not ready for it yet." So it's been put to the back burner.

Now, your turn. Are you writing what you love? Are you excited to sit down and get to work, or are you trying to tailor your novel to what's selling? And here's another question. If you're not writing what you love, is it difficult for you to write or can you even notice the difference?

Believing!

Yesterday's little "open letter" after receiving my rejection was very, very good for me. After I wrote it, I felt so much better - ready to tackle this business again. I just sometimes wish this business wasn't so darn tough. But hey, I could choose to do something else. No one is forcing me to write a novel and try and sell it.

But, I am a writer. It's what I do and what I'll continue to do.

Last night I hunkered down with my WW2 research books and loved every second of it. (I know, I'm a big ol' nerd!) Here's the funny thing. When I write contract stuff for encylopedias or any other piece that requires research for someone else, I don't enjoy it nearly as much, even if the article is on a topic I love. But once I start researching for my project, it's a whole 'nother story.

Reasons to Love the Weekend

What a great discussion we had from Wednesday's post. Loved it! And I answered each and every one of you in the comments section. Would love to keep the discussion going!

(Had to share a pic of the kitties - brother and sister curled up next to each other. Awwww...)

Alrighty. Weekend activities. Here goes.

Picked up Slick (the black cat in the photo above) from the vet. He got neutered. Poor guy wasn't too happy when I brought him home, but it's in his best interest, y' know. ;-)

Deep cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom. Vacuumed. Did laundry. Did dishes. Bought this dress (in red) for my company Christmas party. Cannot wait! It has a vintage feel to it that I just adore. In fact, I plan on doing my hair circa WW2-style - or maybe a good Veronica Lake style. And then I have to get the perfect shoes, of course! I'm thinking of these.

Spent a little too much time surfing this wonderful hang-out and finding all sorts of cool info.

Tried to work out details for my new WW2 book, and even had my husband writing down ideas. And of course, I came up with a ton of stuff - now it's narrowing it down to what I really want to work on.

Slept in Sunday morning - and was very grateful that we had to turn back the clocks and hadn't done it the night before, so when I woke up, I realized I had an extra hour! It made for a nice, long day.

Went and got groceries, worked on housecleaning a bit more, then hopped on the treadmill and my ab machine for a good, hard workout. I'm blogging about my weight loss with a few gals from across the pond (Hi, Diane and Kate!) and it helps so much to have others on the journey with you. I stepped on a scale last week and my worst fears were confirmed - I did gain 10 pounds back. AAAARRRGHHH. Ah well. I'm back on the wagon again. I have healthy meals for my lunches this week and have started walking and working out again.

Writing plans for this week include typing up a synopsis of my WW2 book and ironing out the details. I also have to write a speech on the origins of Veteran's Day - I'm speaking at a senior citizens' center. I spoke there before and thoroughly enjoyed it.

(Gotta throw this in there...If anyone is interested in starting a blog devoted to writing WW2-era stuff, email me at melissaamateis at earthlink dot net)

How was your weekend?

The Choices We Make

In my younger years - oh, say age five to around age 18 - I was quite a crafty person. I loved to dabble with my grandmother's craft stuff. I drew, painted, sewed, glued, latch-hooked, colored...you name it, I did it.

When I hit 6th grade and started to really focus on my writing, I didn't leave my crafting love behind and continued to do just as much as before. But during college, marriage, and a career, I abandoned it. I got into rubber stamping for awhile after I got married, but I haven't done much of anything with it for a long, long time.

The other day, my daughter and I went to Hobby Lobby again where they had pre-made wooden Christmas decorations on sale. So I selected a few a few, bought some acrylic paint and brushes, and headed home. Wednesday night I decided to not worry about the writing or the housework, and I just sat down to paint.

It was so much fun. I didn't have to worry about a character's motivation or if this particular plot point made sense, I just painted. All I had to worry about was what color I wanted to paint my snowman's scarf!

This led me to wonder at why I chose to pursue writing above my other creative endeavors. Why didn't I pursue art instead? I loved to draw in elementary and high school, but I haven't picked up a pencil to sketch in years. Drawing wasn't the easiest for me, but when I look back, I think it was a lot easier than trying to write a novel.

I guess there's only one answer for this - I had the passion for writing. Sure, I loved to draw and paint and hot glue, but it wasn't a consuming need. I did it because it was fun to do and I enjoyed it. It was a hobby, not a passion.

Writing is my passion. But I've also recognized that I need to take time to just sit and paint and let my mind be creative without being mentally exhausted afterwards. That is what triggered my burn-out. I was focusing on the work and not the fun. And let's not kid ourselves - writing is a lot of work. But it's also a lot of fun. When you lose the fun part, well, it's just a miserable existence.

What about you? Do you do any other creative activities besides write?

Happy Friday!

Role Reversal

It's fall break this week, which means my kids can stay up late and sleep in late. That's what vacations are for, y'know!

Last night I went to bed and I asked my daughter if she would read me a bedtime story. Her eyes lit up and she said, "Yes!" and then went upstairs to pick out a book. She chose the one pictured above, a book that I absolutely love.

And while I was tucked under the covers, she read me Bear Snores On, even holding it up like her teacher does in the classroom.

I nearly cried. Not only was it a precious memory, but to see her read and sound out the words she didn't know was such a blessing. If you'll remember, she struggled with reading quite a bit. But thanks to the wonderful efforts of her school and the Reading Recovery program, she is back on track.

On Writing

Yesterday, I had a bit of a lull at work. So I decided to do the unthinkable - write. *grin* I had an idea for a story while riding the elevator and I started typing. I didn't think about what I was writing, didn't worry about spelling or grammar, but just wrote. And I got lost in flow, forgot about the noise around me, and just wrote. Will this story ever see the pages of a magazine? Doubtful. But that's perfectly ok. I need to get the idea out of my head that everything I write has to be for publishing purposes. Sometimes, it's ok to write just for writing's sake.

I also had a bit of a breakthrough on the whole burn-out issue, and felt the spark start to slowly flame to life again. But I'm not pushing the issue, and so spent the night reading, learning how to draw Scooby Doo with my daughter, watching Disney's Cars, and talking with my husband.

Thanks to all of you for your great advice and comments on yesterday's post. Each and every one of you is awesome!

The Spark Is...Gone?

It's finally time to admit it.

I'm burned out.

I sit down in front of the computer and open up my novel, then I slave over each and every word. It's not fun.

I'm not excited to write right now. When I'm at the day job or in the midst of a particularly bad day, I don't stop and think of my novel and feel a rush of relief because I always have my writing (I used to feel this way all the time, especially when life was tough). Lately, it's more of a yoke around my neck than anything. I've started second-guessing everything that I write. Everything. A little gremlin has popped into my head and said, "You can't write anymore. You lost your talent. It's gone. And it's not coming back. So there!"

I know I shouldn't believe him. But right now, that psychological block is there.

Barbara Bretton wrote a great article on writer burn out. After I read it, I felt better. Yes, it does happen, even to multi-published authors. The creative well runs dry.

I've suspected something was off-kilter for awhile now. My entire mood has been up and down. There are times of the day when I feel really good - and then an hour later, I'll be depressed again.

Maybe it's all just the residual effects of the summer medical disaster with my husband. Maybe I'm still adjusting to the new job. Maybe I am just going through a particularly down period.

Whatever the reason is, it's scaring the crap out of me. I don't like feeling this way. I don't like thinking about my writing and not feeling that burst of happiness. I don't like going through life feeling, well, rather numb.

I don't know what's going on, but I'm trying to take some action. I went to Hobby Lobby yesterday because I felt the need to be creative in something other than writing. I wanted to paint, to draw, do something different. But by the time I got there, that same lackluster feeling overcame me and nothing caught my eye. I decided to make my own charm bracelet, which consisted of picking out charms that represented who I am and then attaching them to the already-made bracelet. That took all of ten minutes to make. I love how it turned out, but it didn't ease the ache in my soul.

I haven't been exercising as much, although I do take a break every afternoon and go and walk. My eating habits are getting better. And this is my favorite time of year! I love fall. I love the leaves changing color. I love the cool breezes. I love preparing for the holidays.

I've also been reading a lot, watching movies, hanging out with my daughter (we colored pictures last night and watched a movie), and spending quality time with my husband.

In a way, I'm grieving for my writing. I want it back. I want to feel that spark again. But it's been doused.

Will it come back? I'm sure of it. But at this point, I'm not going to rush things.

We Have Lift Off!

I started Chapter One on the Italian novel, tentatively titled Catch and Release, last night.

And it felt great.

I've been trying to figure out a way to plot this novel so that I don't run into any dead-ends, thus prolonging the entire process. Here's what I came up with. Chapter by chapter outlines. Does this stifle my creativity? On the contrary! Before I started writing last night, I sat down and wrote a short synopsis of everything I wanted to include in this chapter. I sat down at the keyboard and felt, well, free. I didn't have to worry about sitting there and trying to think of what was going to happen next. I could see the scene in my mind.

No, I didn't put every detail in my short chapter synopsis - but just the essence of what I wanted to happen in the chapter. My plan is to write one of these short synopsis for each chapter before I write it. That way I'll hopefully be able to catch any potential problems before they start.

Otherwise, weekend consisted of a bit of shopping, a horrific tension headache on Saturday that thankfully was pretty much gone by Sunday, and lots and lots of rain. We're slated to have thunderstorms and cloudy skies for the rest of the week. Since I thrive in this kind of weather, that's a forecast I can live with!

The Downside of Being a Pubbed Author

I just read a book set on the American homefront during World War 2 by a New York Times bestselling author. I'd read the reviews and while they were mixed, I figured I'd go ahead and give the book a shot.

I devoured the book in 24 hours - something I rarely do (of course, I was also sick and didn't feel like doing much else!). But when I got to the last two chapters, the author had her character make a decision that I neither agreed with nor thought plausible. I felt cheated. Because I cared about the author's characters, I decided to come up with my own ending, one which satisfied me much more.

When I went to look at the reviews, I found that I was not the only person who disagreed with the ending.

Now I know that book reviews are subjective - some people will hate a book that others love. But when the same thing is cited in the majority of reviews as being the kicker as to why the book didn't receive the best rating, you've got to take a look at it. For me, the author's decision to end the book this way effectively "broke" the promise that she'd made with me when I started the book.

Some reviewers stated that they'd loved this author's books - all of them - but this one. And that got me to thinking about several things not only about writing, but about the publishing industry in general.

Here are a few of my thoughts:

1) The pressure.
I can't imagine the pressure that NY Times bestselling novelists have to produce great books one right after the other. Does there come a point where they just type the ending, throw up their hands, and say, "Good enough!" ?

2) Deadlines.
I'm talking about the push for authors to produce a book a year or sometimes even more. I remember reading an author's first book - it was extremely well-written, emotionally-intense, and remains one of my favorite books. But her second and third books, well, fell flat. I wonder if it's because she spent all that time on her first book, honing and polishing it until it gleamed, because she had time to do all those things. In the rush-rush world of publishing, I'm thinking authors don't have nearly the luxury of all that time. Pubbed authors, if I'm wrong, let me know!

3) Burn-out.
We all get it. But when you have a deadline and a contract to fulfill, it doesn't much matter, does it? You've got to get the book written and submitted. Does this lead to a less-than-enthusiastic effort on the author's part? And is there a way to avoid burnout as a successful, published author?

Lots and lots of stuff to think about. It only reinforces the notion in my mind that becoming a published novelist will be wonderful, BUT it will have its own stresses to deal with.

In the end, it's the writing that matters. Here's the thing, though. Does the writing get pushed to the side because of one of the three reasons above, or a combination?

Curious to hear what you all think...

When You Think Too Much

Over the weekend, I tried to iron out some specific plot details for the Italy novel. By Sunday evening, I was depressed because I just couldn't figure it out. Why, I thought, do I make things so difficult?

There's a few reasons. One, I don't want to do every other idea that's out there. I want to be original. And in so doing, I can't use the first thing that pops into my mind. The problem is, by blocking those thoughts, I'm also blocking the entire creative process. I'm not allowing my brain to cast aside the junk to get to the gold.

The two sides of my brain are at war - the analytical side and the creative side. This makes for some darn frustrating moments where I just want to abandon the entire idea and move on to something else. I'm just thinkking too darn much.

There's a book called Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath, a new and upgraded edition of the online test from Gallup's Now, Discover Your Strengths. This book helps you discover your strengths. After taking an extensive online questionnaire, my results came back and honestly, I wasn't too surprised by them. Number one on my list? Intellection. And the definition boils down to, "You like to think."

But there's a danger in thinking too much - on everything. My brain needs a break sometimes!

Last night, before I went to sleep, I started to look through my novel notes with nothing more in mind than to see what I'd already come up with. Before I knew it, ideas began to spark and suddenly, everything fell into place. I tried not to scrutinize those ideas, but to just let them come. When I was finished writing everything down, I knew I'd made it to the top of my mental mountain.

I went to bed with peace in my heart. And now, I can't wait to get started writing!

Your Writing Style

Here's something a little different because it requires your participation. Don't worry - the questions aren't hard at all. :-) I love to read about how other writers work, and I figure that if you're a writer, you might feel the same.

There are twelve random questions about writing below. Ready to play?

What's Your Writing Style?

1. Are you a "pantser" or a "plotter?"

2. Detailed character sketches or "their character will be revealed to me as a I write"?

3. Do you know your characters' goals, motivations, and conflicts before you start writing or is that something else you discover only after you start writing?

4. Books on plotting - useful or harmful?

5. Are you a procrastinator or does the itch to write keep at you until you sit down and work?

6. Do you write in short bursts of creative energy, or can you sit down and write for hours at a time?

7. Are you a morning or afternoon writer?

8. Do you write with music/the noise of children/in a cafe or other public setting, or do you need complete silence to concentrate?

9. Computer or longhand? (or typewriter?)

10. Do you know the ending before you type Chapter One?

11. Does what's selling in the market influence how and what you write?

12. Editing - love it or hate it?

The Drawback of Being a Writer

I got into a tiny argument (friendly, of course) with my husband last night about a book he'd recommended. I'd started to read it a few days earlier and found that the author had hooked me. In fact, I planned on having a nice, relaxing evening on the couch, book in hand.

That all changed when the author effectively snapped me out of the world he'd built.

I think I read the "offending" chapter with a mixture of disbelief and cynicism. How, I thought, could this big name author take what I perceived to be the easy way out of the situation in which he'd put his characters? When I told this to my husband, he was baffled.

"This is a great book!" he said.

"It was a great book," I replied. "Until I read that part."

He said I was being too picky, that I needed to keep reading because it would be worth it. But for me, well, the magic was lost.

"I'm a writer," I said. "I notice these things."

And therein lies the drawback of being a writer. It's hard to watch movies or read books without dissecting the plot, watching the character arcs, or looking for symbolism and metaphors. Years ago, I might have read the aforementioned book and kept on reading. But not now. Not after I've studied the craft of writing and become a bit of an expert on pinpointing what goes wrong in a novel. (Now if I could only pinpoint the same problems in my OWN work!)

To an extent, this takes some of the enjoyment out of reading and watching television or movies. I'm constantly looking for things.

But when an author has done his or her job right, really done it right, I don't even notice craft. Instead, I'm completely sucked into the world he/she has created and I'm too wrapped up in the characters to care about how the author crafted them to be in whatever situation they're in.

That is what we need to strive for. And I'm not going to kid myself - I'm not there yet. I know it's going to take a lot of hard work to get to that point. Lots of failed drafts, failed plots, failed character arcs. But that's how we learn.

Here's my goal - to never break the bond I have with my reader. It's a challenging goal, but one well worth pursuing.

Because You Can Never Look At It Enough

Seriously. How can I not look at this and think,

Wow. I wrote that.

P.S. - Don't forget to look at yesterday's post. It's a video! (One that I should have sent to America's Funniest Home Videos!)