On Foxes

When I was going through a divorce, a very dear friend told me a story about the fox and the scorpion. It's a continuation of the Aesop fable about the frog and the scorpion, and it goes something like this...

A fox watched as a scorpion asked a frog for a ride across the river, saw the scorpion sting the frog (because it was his nature to sting), and both of them drown. When a scorpion approached him later that afternoon and asked for a ride across the river, the wise fox decided to teach him a lesson.

"Sure," the fox said. "Hop on."

Thinking the scorpion had found another sucker, the scorpion hopped on the fox's back and they began to cross the river. He paused in the river and saw their reflection in the water. The scorpion was about to sting him, but because he was ready for the scorpion to act on his nature, the fox flipped the scorpion into the water. You see, it was in the fox's nature to watch and be wary.

The moral of the story? Be the fox.

This story deeply resonated with me because of my abusive marriage. My therapist told me that my ex-husband was unable to show our daughter the love she deserved and needed because it wasn't in his nature to do so. He couldn't love me as I deserved and needed because it wasn't in his nature. You see, like the frog, I'd trusted him, and, like the scorpion, he stung me over and over again. We both figuratively 'drowned' numerous times - fights, tears, abuse - and yet I kept falling for it over and over again.

Then I went to therapy, and learned that this my ex-husband's nature to do these things. I understood that I wasn't to blame for the abuse, for his narcissism, for his inability to change. 

But how could I make sure I didn't make this mistake again? 

I had to become the fox. I had to not only be watchful and wary, but I also had to be smart. 

Ever since, I've had an affinity for foxes. They're beautiful, smart creatures, and they remind me to be smart, to be watchful, to know when someone's nature keeps them from doing the right thing. 

Here in our city, we have urban red foxes. I've seen them several times over the years, but the home we're at now, they come into our backyard nearly every day. We finally set up a camera so we could capture them, and over the last few months, we've obtained some incredible footage. 

Here's a video from the other day: 

I've often thought I should get a fox tattoo and maybe I will some day. But for now, I'm going to content myself with watching them in my backyard. 

I'm endlessly grateful to my friend for telling me that story. I will never be the naïve frog again - I will be the fox.