D-Day

I parked two blocks away from the courthouse this morning. I was early, and wanted to take a few minutes to clear my head with a nice walk. The cool morning air and overcast sky matched my mood. But once I started walking, little blessings popped up all over. The beautiful dogwood tree blossoms, pink and white, smelled wonderful. Bright yellow and ivory daffodils opened to the sky. A brown, fuzzy, and fat squirrel stared at me as I walked by, and when I looked up, a blackbird chirped from a tree.

God is with me, I thought. And indeed He was.

I crossed the busy intersection to the courthouse, went inside, put my bag on the x-ray machine, then made my way up to District Court, 3rd Floor. My phone rang. It was the soon-to-be ex.

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you today," he said.

"Thank you," I said. But then the tightness started in my throat, crept up through my cheeks, and was released through tears. "But I can't really talk right now."

"Ok," he said. And we hung up. I suppose that is our last conversation as husband and wife.

My lawyer showed up, and we went through the paperwork. "These are the questions I'll ask you," he said. Easy, yet incredibly hard questions.

The court case before ours made me shake my head. He'd violated his probation, and the original crime was alcohol-related. I remember my own ex's struggle with alcohol. Seeing this other guy have his life wrecked from alcohol just reinforced my thought that yes, this divorce was the right thing to do.

Then it was our turn. I stood in front of the judge, raised my right hand, took the oath, then sat in the witness chair. My lawyer asked me the questions. Then came the tough one.

"Do you feel your marriage is irretrievably broken?"

A moment of panic. Was it? Had we tried everything? Could we absolutely not make this work?

"Yes," I answered.

And then it was over. 10 years of marriage over in 10 minutes. I felt numb. Should I cry? Should I smile and laugh that I no longer had to endure the pain? I did neither.

As I left the courthouse, the same drab sky and chill wind greeted me. It matched my mood. And then, when I walked back to my car, I saw the dogwood blossoms...the daffodils...the birds...and I knew God was with me.