The Writer and Her Characters

 The main character of my current WIP is damaged. She grew up with an abusive, narcissistic mother who constantly told her she was useless and pathetic. As a result, she doesn't think herself capable of following her dreams. She feels invisible, unimportant, and unworthy. Anxiety is her constant companion, and she suffers from panic attacks. A suicide attempt finally propelled her to start therapy, but she's got a long ways to go.

Despite what she thinks, she's incredibly strong. She just doesn't know it or believe it.

I've never written a character like her before. Usually, my female characters are strong-willed, independent, and know exactly what they want in life. Yes, they have their issues - some of them pretty severe - but they never once doubt their strength. They relentlessly pursue their goals and dreams, and of course, I as the author put lots of obstacles in their path to prevent them from achieving them.

But my current character isn't like that - yet. That's part of her journey and transformation in this novel. Writing that journey, however, is a challenge. It's one I accept, and it's been very fulfilling to see her grow and blossom. 

I usually identify pretty strongly with my main characters, but I'm struggling a bit with this one, and I think I figured out why. Since an early age, I have been extremely fortunate to know what I've wanted to do with my life. I decided I wanted to be a novelist at the tender age of 12, and I've been pursuing that career ever since. I also always wanted to do something in the history field, which is why I earned two degrees. 

But I realize many of us don't have a career path mapped out. Some go to college and change majors several times as they figure out what they do and don't want to do. Others earn a degree in something and then never use it, going into a completely different career. Still others dabble in several different jobs and even in middle age still feel like they're searching for their path.  My boyfriend is one of them. He's told me several times, "I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up." That idea is so foreign to me that it's hard for me to wrap my head around. I guess that's why I'm struggling a bit with writing my character.

This squirrel found something very interesting in the neighbor's backyard...

And yet...isn't that one of the great gifts of writing fiction? We can step into someone else's shoes and experience their life. To do it properly, however, we need to observe and research as much as we can. Our imagination can fill in the gaps.

I realized last night just how much this novel is challenging me. I've never written anything like it before. It's scary, but also thrilling - which is a pretty great way to describe the writing life.