The Pursuit of Joy

Well. 

Vacation is officially over. I took two weeks off during the holidays, and I relished every minute of it. My trip home to see family afforded me so many wonderful moments with my Dad, my Mom, my brothers, and even my cousins.

I needed that time with them, to bond, to reconnect. Relationships must be nurtured, and if we leave them too long, they begin to show signs of neglect. Now, though, I feel as though I watered those relationships, gave them nutrients, and they're flourishing again in so many ways.

Normally I'd be gearing up for another semester of grad school, but not this semester. I decided to only take dissertation hours and not a class because I must think long and hard about my future in the PhD program. It's not that I don't want to earn my PhD - I do. But at this point in my life, with my limited energy due to chronic health issues (that are not improving), I must do the activities most important to me, the ones that bring me the most joy. 

History brings me joy, yes, but I've had to ask myself, do I really need a PhD? Will it help me accomplish my goals? Not necessarily. Since I'm only a part-time student, it will take me much longer to finish. And what am I giving up by pursuing that path? Last semester, I gave up writing my fiction. 

That didn't sit well with me. At all. 

Thus, I began to think about my future with the program and so, instead of making a hasty decision, I decided to give myself plenty of time to think it through.

Thus, this semester, I'm focusing not on school, but on my novel. And oh am I ever enjoying it. I have other writing-related events this year including two writing conferences (one is virtual which is wonderful for my health and my bank account!). I'm not leaving history behind, however, as I am attending two history conferences this year and I'm looking forward to those, as well.

You see, I was already "doing history" before I started my PhD program, and I know I can continue to do it without having those initials after my name. I already learned a lot in the four classes I've taken. Sure, I could learn much more in future classes, but honestly, I feel as though I have a solid foundation under my feet now that I didn't have before.

If I had lots of time and lots of energy (chronic illness robs me of both so often!), this wouldn't be an issue. But alas, I don't. So. 2023 will be the year of focusing on what I love.

I am pursuing joy.