The 2014 Christmas Tree Wars

Every year, I battle my cat, Slick, over the Christmas tree. He somehow thinks that he needs to climb it. And knock off ornaments. And generally engage in massive mayhem.

Last year, he and our then-kitty, LuLu, destroyed one of our trees. When I say destroyed, I mean destroyed. We had to throw it away.

This year, LuLu is a year older and she listens much better. This doesn't mean that she hasn't been tempted by the tree, but she has responded much better to my discipline than Slick.

Slick doesn't care.

He knows he's not supposed to climb the tree or play with the ornaments. But he does it anyway.

Here's a picture I took last night that I posted on Twitter with the caption, "Should I be worried?"

Turns out that yes, I should have been worried. Shortly after I took this picture, he got that look in his eye and set about trying to climb the tree. What followed would be hilarious if I were starring in a Cary Grant caper. I yelled, then ran after Slick with the spray bottle full of water and chased him upstairs.

Do you think this deterred him?

Of course not. He was back moments later. He sat on the coffee table in front of me and just stared at me, that same look in his eyes.

What did I do?

I fed him. Yes, he already had food in his bowl, but I've learned that if you don't give this cat what he wants, he will irritate you on purpose and unremittingly until you give in.

After I fed him, he was knocked out on my bed for the rest of the night and left the tree in peace.

At this rate, he's going to gain 10 pounds.

Why can't he be like my other cat, Kathryn? Look at this sweet, innocent face.

See how nicely she sits under the tree, not bothering to play with the ornaments or climb it?

The only real solution to this is, of course, not to put up a Christmas tree. But I refuse. I love my Christmas tree and besides, it's MY house, not Slick's.

Right?

I'm beginning to wonder...