This Writing Life

For weeks now, I've been in a bit of a funk over the novel. I'm writing the climax and the ending right now and it's a slog (as I've shared before). I also am not in love with the ending I have planned.

But something incredible happened last night.

An alternative ending hit me like the proverbial lightning bolt, and it is so damn good. Of course, like most of my ideas, they come to me while I'm trying to fall asleep, and this one was no different. I grabbed my phone and opened the Notes app, madly typing in the new idea. I fell into a blissful sleep and in my dream, I remember being excited to share my new idea with my daughter. Haha!

When I woke up this morning, and remembered my idea, I was absolutely giddy. That high carried me through the entire day, and it made me once again realize how wonderful this writing life is. All those days of worry and doubt and frustration are worth it when I feel like I did today. 

Now, of course, I'm worried I won't be able to pull it off, and the ol' inner editor has re-emerged from under its bridge to torment me again. I really want to write tonight but resistance is winning. Steven Pressfield defines resistance as: "an energy field radiating from a work-in-potential. It’s a repelling force. It’s negative. Its aim is to shove us away, distract us, prevent us from doing our work.”

While some days the resistance is minimal, other days, like today, its weighing heavily on me, like a basket of rocks hanging around my neck. I think it's because I came up with that great idea, I was excited to write, and Resistance was having none of it. It keeps telling me, "Oh, you'll never be able to pull it off. You'll fail. It won't work. Might as well not even try."

Fighting Resistance is a daily battle. Every single time I sit down to write, it is there, sitting on my shoulder, laughing at me, ridiculing me.

But I do not think it will win tonight. I love this story, and the new idea I came up with will bring it to another level. I can do this. I know I can do this.

This writing life...so full of ups and downs, of wins and losses, an ongoing psychological battle with the Self. I sometimes wonder why I do it. Why be tormented? Why put myself through this every single day? Because I must. I am a writer. It's who I am.

In Other News...

1) I'm in desperate need of a writing community. Years ago, I belonged to my local RWA chapter. I really enjoyed our meetings and our retreats, and having the support and camaraderie of other writers. Then RWA started going in a direction I didn't like, so I quit the national organization, and quit the local group. I also stopped writing straight romance (my novels will always have some type of romance in them, but it's not the main focus).

For years, I've tried to find an online writing community. I tried to start my own writing group, and that fizzled pretty quickly. Online forums had too many people. Instagram and Twitter are great, but I needed more.

So, I decided to join The Writers Flow Studio, a monthly membership-based group, run by Rhonda with Resilient Writers. I'd watched one of Rhonda's presentations during a writing summit and really enjoyed it. The more than forty masterclasses alone are worth the reasonable monthly fee! But there are so many more offerings that drew me to this community: visiting writers, weekly writing sessions via Zoom, a private FB group, accountability challenges, and more. I am excited to have a writing community again!

2) I took a walk last night AND TONIGHT. Holy wow! Am I starting to come out of this months' long flare?!? I sure do hope so! It also helped that the weather has been in the 70s the last few days. Tomorrow it's supposed to be 72!

3) I spontaneously took tomorrow (Friday) off from work. I have tons of vacation time, and I'll be using some of it for my Scotland vacation. But sometimes, you have to take a day off just because.

Alrighty! I think writing this post has primed the pump, so to speak, so off I go to work on the novel!